guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
