i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
