where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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