Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
