I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
