This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
