conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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