Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
