Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
