This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
