I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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