It's Friday. Sex?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
