OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
