Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
