I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
