toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just tell him i said nine months
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
