OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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