your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
