There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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