What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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