Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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