I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
