He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
