i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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