Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
