That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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