i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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