you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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