You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You pole danced in your parka.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
