Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
3 2 1 whiskey
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
