So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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