i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
