I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
