instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
A+ Viking dick
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
