And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You smell like a Billy Joel song
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
