I just pynch a tree in the face
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
