I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
