This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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