I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
