Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
