Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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