I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
3 2 1 whiskey
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
