well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
