He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize