Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
