Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
