aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
