I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
