Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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