Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
