the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
