I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize