My sheets look like a crime scene.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
