He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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