ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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