She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
