who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
