I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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