Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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