Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
