I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
