she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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