dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
please come you make the beer taste better
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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