I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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