i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
