she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
