you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
