He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
