I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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