Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just high enough for therapy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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