someone owes me an orgasm
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
