dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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