okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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