it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
