Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
