I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
