Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
