I wanna passion pit in your ass
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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