thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
