He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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