it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
