my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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