she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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