Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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