I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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