I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
