My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize