she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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