i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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